We're reaching the end of 2020

Can you believe it's already December—the end of 2020? This end of the year holds or leads to a culmination in January of so many things: our last first semester, the finale of college apps, the end of the very odd yet iconic 2020... All the times typing 21 at the end of our usernames, seeing it as an abnormally large number; it's crazy that 2021 is in less than a month!

I'm sure most of you have experienced a long moment of reflection upon writing college essays—who are you? What does your identity consist of? Reading "Three Girls," I was super inspired by the main character's courage at the end to come out, finding her identity amidst the societal stereotypes back in that time. But for me, thinking about each year and how I've grown really makes me nostalgic, excited to see what awaits me in college, a new environment. Perhaps putting up the Christmas tree and realizing this year is my last year of fully being at home (maybe) caused this nostalgia. I guess sitting on the couch at night with solely Christmas lights = reflection time for me. 

Recently, my sister discovered new VCRs and videos from hard drives that uncover the moments from when I was young. "I can't even hear myself," I told her. I also then realized again that I was so shy during that time. Each year as I received a report card, I watched my progression in the teacher's comments, slowly becoming more willing to speak, changing from "very shy" to "participates at time." (Funny enough, I still have this very, very vivid memory of my first zero: my kindergarten teacher kept trying to teach me how to hold a pencil correctly, but I just couldn't! Thus, I watched her bring that pencil to her hand, marking a zero on those green teacher gridded grade books.) It's crazy how 12 years have passed, still remembering many of my classmates as kindergarteners. We danced in the carefree environments as described in the exposition of "The Flowers," each day innocent with the only possible countdown being months toward a holiday or summer break.

Middle school could be said as my peak period; most people began to find their true identity through social interactions, and understand what identity even is. Betrayal sometimes occurred, but it was an exploration. 7th grade was when I truly expressed myself (no more shy girl comments! even got a comment for talking too much...)—I'd say our community was pretty tight-knit (iykyk). I suppose once we got to eighth grade, we started maturing; the countdowns became taking one month at a time (though time was pretty relative). If you were in my geometry class or visited before that period, thanks for making that time so fun. :) 

High school; I started to regress toward my more introverted self. Our sense of time, especially in 2020, is sort of merged now—too many times have I heard "can't wait for this day to be over" from others or me myself (full disclosure, just recently said "Wednesday is async!!" for motivation this weekend to my group chat). As much stress high school does put upon us students, this is when we've discovered our identity further; we understand how to balance academic, social, and extracurriculars. I've had so many great memories—each classroom has its own cultures and quirks that stay with me... one I'll take away for 12AP is our restorative circles. For one, I know I definitely did not expect to write a blog about waffles in English, but that's what makes high school English (11AP/12AP) super cool. 

For me personally, this is a year of gratitude and reflection—possibly effects of lockdown and college apps. Time is such an interesting topic, the past years merging into one. However, those flashbacks of the small moments will always live with me. Sometimes even the smallest act of kindness and shortest video call or text can make an influence on someone, so don't forget to check in with someone you're grateful for! ♡

p.s. a fun tiktok - see if you remember anything! ↴

@theclairewitchproject

the lunch tray makes me uncomfy #randomthings #fyp #2000skid