It's not you, nor is it fate

One of my takeaways from this week's Socratic Seminar is our tendency to make excuses toward external factors rather than the actual internal factors. We are avoiding the real issue at hand: ourselves. Any outcome that didn't go Oedipus's way was attributed to fate. Although there was a prophecy tied to his name, hubris was the main cause of his problems. This made me wonder, how often do I attribute my shortcomings to factors I can't control? And vise versa, how often do I attribute my shortcomings to myself when they're actually uncontrollable?

I'm indecisive and pretty sensitive (it sucks), so I normally think unfavorable solutions are my fault, or at least partially. Throughout high school, this college app season, and quarter 1's complex identity unit, I've begun to explore who I am and what makes me happy. In the summer, I had a severe identity crisis—feeling like a jack of all trades, master of none. Everything I did seemed to have no substance, just me treading along the waters of various activities. This really isn't a bad thing though - it's honestly pretty crazy to have your life planned out at this age. Some days I blame myself for not continuing X activity or taking X class, but other days I say it's fate and that's what my life journey is supposed to be.

Therefore, as aforementioned, listing a few things of what I'm interested in was mainly in order to think of some essay topics to write, but it also helped me realize where I put my energy toward (some of these items included design, waffles, community service, female empowerment and education initiatives, and color guard). Where should I find my support network when I face challenges? Finding such communities help me focus on reality and avoid blaming my problems on random external factors like "fate". The past can't be changed, but the future can.

I'll keep wondering, who really am I? In "Cheerful Despair," my standout sentence was "you will die feeling that no one has ever really understood you properly". That is the truth - but will you die feeling that you don't even understand yourself? Humanity is just that complex. Each day is an exploration...